Monday, you’re hard. Especially when I come off a weekend and feel anything but rested, walking into the week with a laundry list of things (and laundry) to do and no idea if I’ll to make it through.
At this point we’re all tired and need more than a two day weekend to recover. I don’t remember anyone telling me April’s the worst month for a college student (high school seniors, watch out), when everything is due and you aren’t even stressed about finals as much as you are trying to make it through the last few weeks to actually get to finals.
And it’s more than just the finals. It’s watching friendships shift and grow or shift and collapse. It’s feeling the weight of your family and trying to strike the balance between your own life and the one you’re still attached to. It’s freaking out over your weight gain or weight loss, and negative self-talk, and questioning and uncertainty, and all of the hard things in life that are honestly just another aspect of adulting.
So for the ones out there struggling to get through the day, this week, or the rest of the month, this is for you.
/ / /
I can’t really say it’s going to get any easier, and I don’t think I have the right to say it’ll get better either. Maybe that sounds too pessimistic, but I’m beginning to realize how hard adulting actually is, as we’re trying to figure ourselves and the world out, meanwhile maintaining a GPA and paying a rent and feeding ourselves. Sometimes it’s just way too much at one time.
You’ll go through seasons, be conscious of that – no matter what Instagram tells you, no one stays on a happiness high every day of the week. We have our ghosts you don’t know about; we have our anxiety and depression we’re too afraid to tell people about because we don’t want to appear unable to face the world.
But I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay you feel stressed right now and wondering if you’ll make it; it’s the nature of this time of the year. But you’ve made it before – you’ve survived middle school, you’ve survived high school, some of you have survived half or most of college already. You’ll make it again.
And for those of you who still think a number can define you, it can’t. You’re much more than what you make in your classes. I’m not saying don’t study enough and put in effort – the character trait of enduring will shine through best the more you practice it. But I’m saying you don’t have to be on your A-game every day of the week. Sometimes you just have a really bad day.
You’re going to have those bad days for the rest of your life, but I read somewhere it’s those bad days that make you appreciate the better ones. And on those bad days, when you’re struggling to survive and you haven’t had enough sleep and your meals have consisted of protein bars and goldfish, please remember this:
You’re much more than this time. Your body deserves to be taken care of. Please go get some sleep, please don’t stay up for hours on social media because you’re looking for a quick fix for your breaking heart. It’s okay you’re hurting over them, it’s okay you feel like you won’t ever get over them. It’s okay you’re freaking out if you’ll figure out what you want to do in life or get the job or find your group of friends. But don’t sit in it, don’t allow it the power to influence your day and your mind.
Eat something healthy. Go for a run. Pick up photography (10/10 recommend) or at least something you can channel energy instead of scrolling your Twitter feed. I’m not saying get rid of them forever; I mean don’t let them control you.
Surround yourself with people, good people. We weren’t meant to do life alone; I know that’s said too often and how we’re always looking for a “tribe” or “squad” or whatever you want to call it, but we’re looking so intently because we need people. I need you. You need me. We need each other because doing life alone sucks.
That’s not to say people won’t come in and out of your life. Be prepared there are many leavers, but focus on the stayers. In this present moment, remember who has been a true friend to you. Remember what they’ve done for you, even if that friend is no longer in your life. They were there with a purpose, and for that moment they were a stayer.
Remember the good in people. Please don’t let someone else’s opinion ruin your opinion of someone; give them a chance until you see it for yourself, because our opinions of each other are screwed.
Exercise your mind, not just your body. Speak truth over yourself until you believe it, until it’s so engrained in your mind and bleeding from your skin that you must believe it.
Things like you’re going to be okay. You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay. Whisper it to yourself when no one else will, when you’re driving down a dark street by yourself and you feel completely alone and you’re wondering if you’re going to make it.
Things like you are of great worth and beautiful and have great purpose not because of what you do but because you simply are.
Things like you are already brave and strong and enduring, and all you have to do is tap into it. You are much, much braver than you believe.
And I know the world expects a lot out of you, I think it expects too much out of us, too much perfection. That’s why it’s important to exercise your mind, to know your worth lies not in your beauty or others’ opinions of you or your opinion of you. It rests in something much bigger.
Hello. You’re worthy because you already are. You’re good enough to sit with them, to be friends with them, to talk to them.
Come, matter here.
Hannah Brencher used that line one night at Passion’s college groups, and since then it’s become one of my favorite phrases.
You matter here. Who you are, where you’ve been, where you are right now. In a place of questioning and uncertainty, or a place of feeling more confident than you ever have. We want you here, you belong with us.
Come, matter here.
Be that to someone; don’t wait for them to approach you. Go to them. Most people are too afraid; become the one who isn’t dictated by fear, yeah?
If nothing else, remember how far you’ve come. Remember where you were this time a year ago, who was in your life then and who’s in your life now. You’ve survived breakups. Moving. Heartaches. Bad grades. Hunger. Sickness. A lot of loss. Whatever it is you’ve survived, it has made you all the braver and stronger, and you’re going to survive it again. You’re a fighter, darling. You’re as tough as nails.
Leaving you with this, a lovely Instagram caption on @findingmyverse ‘s account:
“Healing comes in waves, and maybe today the wave hits the rocks and that’s ok, that’s ok, darling. You are still healing. You are still healing” – iljeoma umebinyuo “Some days you feel like you’re floating. The waves are holding you up + there’s salt in your hair + the sun is shining on your face + you feel like you could float on those waves forever. And some days you’re floating + the waves start running to the shore + the tide starts coming in + you’re swimming as fast as you can, tying not to sink + trying to catch your breath but you just can’t catch a break.
Healing comes in waves. life comes in waves. Some days you’ll feel like you’re floating and some days you’ll feel like you’re sinking. But it’s okay. It’s okay. Because you know what the good thing about waves is? They come and they go and just when you feel like you can’t catch a break, the sea will settle + the sun will shine + the waves will carry you home.”
Here’s to hoping this short electronic letter is the Monday-pick-me-up you need, and to remind you that you’re capable. You can do this. You’ve got this, babe, keep going. I’m rooting for you.